What every woman 'ought' to know





1. Never buy a new brand of beer because it was on sale.

2. If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean
we're not watching it.

3. Don't tell anyone that we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't
want one.

4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

5. Only wearing your new lingerie once does not send the message that you
need more. It tells us that lingerie is a bad investment.

6. Please don't drive when you're not driving.

7. Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your little
stories are related to one another. We're just nodding, waiting for the
punchline.

8. If you want us to take out the garbage you have to let us pack the car.

9. The quarterback who just got pummeled is not trying to be brave, he's
just not crying. Big difference.

10. When the waiter asks if everything is okay, a simple "yes" will do.

11. What do you mean 'leering?' She's obstructing my view.

12. When I'm turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off-ramp,
saying "this is our exit" is not necessary.

13. When you're not around I belch so loud I appall myself.

14. The temperature in the cave will be my responsibility. It will be
slightly to moderately cooler than you want it.

15. SportsCenter starts at 11PM and runs one hour. This is an excellent
time for you to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer, or talk to your sister.

16. Is it too much to ask to have the bra and panties match?

17. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?

18. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game do, in fact, constitute
going out to dinner.

19. You probably don't want to know what we're thinking.

20. Silence does not need to be filled.

21. It is in neither your best interest nor ours to take the Cosmo quiz
together.
22. No, you cannot have the remote

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